Where Have I Been?

MEN, YOU MAY WANT TO LEAVE NOW OR GO ONTO ANOTHER POST- THIS ONE ISN’T FOR YOU…. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? GO! LEAVE! …. FINE, YOU’LL REGRET IT.

Hi ladies 😉

Firstly sorry I havn’t blogged since before Christmas but time has been very stretched these last few weeks.

We had a lovely Christmas and New Years and I spent it in the best way possible… eating too much and consuming my body weight in Baileys Irish Cream. I was very happy.The kids got lots of lovely presents (90% of Willow’s were Peppa Pig related) and have been trashing my living room (with creative play of course) ever since.

Olive has sprouted a tooth and is now on the move. Backwards. She can only go backwards! Why?! Answers on a postcard please. Willow has suddenly turned into a self opinionated *grits teeth* little angel. And I have been busy with writing my portfolio for my business and being ill. Jay is fine. He is just Jay.

After having Olive, something didn’t ping back into place, you know, down there. And I’ve been in and out of the doctors for weeks. I’ve been poked, prodded,  and had scans and hands… everywhere. But what is wrong with me? No idea. I am being sent to a swanky private hospital in 2 weeks to see yet another doctor. So, hopefully we will know then.

One thing I do know is, bleeding heavily for nearly 7 months is shit. Yup, shit.

The have ruled out any infections and suspect it isn’t anything to do with my retained placenta that I had after Olive. Which is good I suppose. But they did find a little cyst on my left ovary.

While I am so incredibly glad they cannot find anything horrible (and lets face it, life threatening!) it is horrible to still not have any clue what my body is doing. I have been getting lots of belly ache and achy legs and the odd nasty headache. But all my blood tests came back normal. I’m not anaemic… yet.

So, you see, while I love writing my blog I have had to step down a little, get off the laptop and get down n’ dirty with my work and health. I must concentrate on getting better. Because while I am being poorly I cannot concentrate on my work or my *grits teeth again* little angels 😛

PS: I found time to write this blog while sat on bed rest. I forgot how funny Jeremy Kyle is and what it feels like to actually lay in bed all day. How do people do this? How did I do this? its boring. I want to be back downstairs falling over toys and potty training.

 

vagjokes

Dear Father Christmas… From A Toddler.

Dear Father Christmas.

Righty here goes. I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I wasn’t really listening last year, as I was too busy learning to walk. But this year, I’m listening! And I’m Game.

I have figured out that you’re this magic man that eats too much and gives everyone presents. COOL! I am sorry I cried and wouldn’t even go near you the other week at the garden centre, but quite frankly it was November… and I hadn’t quite twigged who you were. I just thought you was one of Grandad’s Biker friends, with bad fashion taste. I figured that you only liked giving me and my sister presents because Grandad had told you how amazing and beautiful we are.

The book you gave me was lovely, yes. But you see, I don’t want books. I don’t want the dolls pram, or all of the little animals to go with my toy farm, and quite frankly I don’t really give a s**** about Peppa Pig either. But the chocolate buttons… they can stay.

Even though mummy and daddy keep constantly reminding me how naughty I am and how my sister is so much more behaved (c’mon all she does is sit in one place and occasionally fall backwards and make a drama.) But I really really reeaalllyyy do think I should get something that I reeaaalllly want for Christmas, instead of toys.

I want the following please, thank you, ta :

This Light Switch.

lightswitch

I can just imagine the joy of switching it on and off and on and off and on and off over and over again. ESPECIALLY when mummy is trying to write and send emails. I don’t know what it is about switches like this, the clicking noise it makes or the possible frustration it causes my parents. Which I find hilarious. Naturally.

All Of These Classic Videos.

classic childrens videos

I mean… yes!!!! I imagine that I will like to see them all organised. All the Rainbow’s in one pile, All of the Sooty’s in another. And then…. just ruin it!!!!!! Pull them all out! Stand on the cases! Mash crisps into the important bits! Tear up the paper sleeves!

PS: I also like doing this with DVD’s, but mummy and daddy are so retro-cool they still like videos (AKA: They are OLD. Or poor. Or both).

This Button On The T.V.

TV switch

Same as the light switch really. I’m a simple person. It just makes a cooler noise.

This Pingy Thing

door stop

The noise. Oh the noise! Pppbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! How divine, how amazing. I mean, whoever invented this is a God!! I want one. Just for my room so I can play with it whenever I like. In fact I would like a few so I can ping them all at one. At 3am.

What Ever My Sister Has.

stealing

It’s mine not hers. And that’s the Law. I do not want to be given something identical, or lied to that something is ‘oh wow, how amazing is this? Come and play with this Willow’ , No mummy I don’t give a t*** about that KitKat, I want what Olive has NOW!!

A Tantrum.

toddler tantrum

I love having tantrums, and I would love it if you could give me one on Christmas morning or during Christmas dinner. There is nothing more beautiful than starting the day by folding myself in half, backwards. Slamming my head off of the floor and screaming at the top of my lungs. Aggghhh how fun …

So, that’s it Father Christmas. That’s all I could wish for. You can also throw in the stereotypical cardboard boxes, pack of sequins, and mummy’s pile of ironing … just for extra fun.

So, See you in a couple of weeks Father Christmas.

From Willow, aged 21 Months.

PS: Don’t expect me to leave out any mince pies and milk for you on Christmas Eve night. I will have eaten them myself. Get your own. They’re MINE.