Dear Father Christmas.
Righty here goes. I don’t have a clue what’s going on. I wasn’t really listening last year, as I was too busy learning to walk. But this year, I’m listening! And I’m Game.
I have figured out that you’re this magic man that eats too much and gives everyone presents. COOL! I am sorry I cried and wouldn’t even go near you the other week at the garden centre, but quite frankly it was November… and I hadn’t quite twigged who you were. I just thought you was one of Grandad’s Biker friends, with bad fashion taste. I figured that you only liked giving me and my sister presents because Grandad had told you how amazing and beautiful we are.
The book you gave me was lovely, yes. But you see, I don’t want books. I don’t want the dolls pram, or all of the little animals to go with my toy farm, and quite frankly I don’t really give a s**** about Peppa Pig either. But the chocolate buttons… they can stay.
Even though mummy and daddy keep constantly reminding me how naughty I am and how my sister is so much more behaved (c’mon all she does is sit in one place and occasionally fall backwards and make a drama.) But I really really reeaalllyyy do think I should get something that I reeaaalllly want for Christmas, instead of toys.
I want the following please, thank you, ta :
This Light Switch.
I can just imagine the joy of switching it on and off and on and off and on and off over and over again. ESPECIALLY when mummy is trying to write and send emails. I don’t know what it is about switches like this, the clicking noise it makes or the possible frustration it causes my parents. Which I find hilarious. Naturally.
All Of These Classic Videos.
I mean… yes!!!! I imagine that I will like to see them all organised. All the Rainbow’s in one pile, All of the Sooty’s in another. And then…. just ruin it!!!!!! Pull them all out! Stand on the cases! Mash crisps into the important bits! Tear up the paper sleeves!
PS: I also like doing this with DVD’s, but mummy and daddy are so retro-cool they still like videos (AKA: They are OLD. Or poor. Or both).
This Button On The T.V.
Same as the light switch really. I’m a simple person. It just makes a cooler noise.
This Pingy Thing
The noise. Oh the noise! Pppbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! How divine, how amazing. I mean, whoever invented this is a God!! I want one. Just for my room so I can play with it whenever I like. In fact I would like a few so I can ping them all at one. At 3am.
What Ever My Sister Has.
It’s mine not hers. And that’s the Law. I do not want to be given something identical, or lied to that something is ‘oh wow, how amazing is this? Come and play with this Willow’ , No mummy I don’t give a t*** about that KitKat, I want what Olive has NOW!!
I love having tantrums, and I would love it if you could give me one on Christmas morning or during Christmas dinner. There is nothing more beautiful than starting the day by folding myself in half, backwards. Slamming my head off of the floor and screaming at the top of my lungs. Aggghhh how fun …
So, that’s it Father Christmas. That’s all I could wish for. You can also throw in the stereotypical cardboard boxes, pack of sequins, and mummy’s pile of ironing … just for extra fun.
So, See you in a couple of weeks Father Christmas.
From Willow, aged 21 Months.
PS: Don’t expect me to leave out any mince pies and milk for you on Christmas Eve night. I will have eaten them myself. Get your own. They’re MINE.