How To Deal With Calls About Accidents That Weren’t Your Fault

I’ve had 3 calls today alone from very concerned people. All were wanting to speak to me about car accidents that I had been in, that were not my fault. Awful, awful accidents. Just terrible. Each caller were desperate to help me, and I am assuming, trying to put cash into my (rather empty) bank account.

Here are the transcripts for each call. Enjoy!

Phone Call #1

Caller- *Asian accent* Hello.

Me- Hello… Hello… *fuzzy line*

Caller- Hello Madam, I would like to talk to you about a recent car accident that you have been involved in that wasn’t your fault.

Me- Oh Shit!!! It must have been such an awful accident! I must have concussion. I do not remember such an accident. Did I DIE?!

Caller- *Awkward silent. Line goes dead*

Phone Call #2

Caller- *Young British male. Balls possibly dropped just 1 week ago* Hello, is this Miss Parker

Me- Errrrm. Kinda.

Caller- I have information on my computer that you were in a car accident recently.

Me- Oh yeah, it was terrible.

Caller- Yes, so our records say. Could you tell me a little more about this accident?

Me- *Very enthusiastically* Why yes, dear Sir! One day when I came home at lunchtime I heard a funny noise,
Went out into my back garden to find out if it was one of those rowdy boys,
Stood there was my neighbour called Peter and a flux capacitor!
He told me he’d built a time machine like one in a film I’ve seen.
He told me how he had been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed but they lived underwater. And your great, great, great-granddaughter is pretty fine.

Caller- *Long exhale* My granddaughter?

Me- Yup. I got into the flux capacitor and he crashed the bloody thing into my Penny Far2thing.

Caller- *hangs up*

Personally I think this is one of my greatest calls. I am rather proud of myself.

Phone Call #3

Caller- Good afternoon.

Me- It is rather splendid. *pissed off voice* What do you want?

Caller- I am calling you today over an accident that wasn’t your fault.

Me- FINALLY!! I have been waiting for this call for so long! Thank you for taking the time to call me today, during your very busy schedule.

Caller- *very happy and obvz thinks he is onto a winner!* You are very welcome madam.

Me- So, I was riding my horse across the American plains, and this Red Indian sprang out of nowhere! He tripped my horse up, and I fell off bashing my head. It was horrific! *starts to weep*

Caller- A Red Indian?

Me- *still weeping* Yup, he had feathers in his headband and everything. He told me is name was Tonto. Then everything went fuzzy. I woke up this morning, in a strange bed and 4 rugrats running around. I am assuming I time travelled and I have a pretty awful concussion. I think I have a husband too. He is rather ugly.

Caller- Fuck you. *line goes dead*


So, have you any funny ways of dealing with these spammy twats? My nan used to pretend that she was deaf. Or a member of the Russian mafia.  Both worked quite well.




3 Easy Ways To Get Your Kids Into The Summer Holiday Spirit

You may have taken a holiday with the kids in the beginning of the summer holidays, but afterwards it can be tricky to know how to fill the remaining weeks of the school holidays. Nothing is going to live up to that carnival on the beach in Costa Dorada or the camel safari trip over the sand dunes in Morocco… or even the donkey rides on Skegness beach! At the best of times, returning from an incredible holiday can leave you with the blues. For your kids, the come down began the moment they set foot on the journey home. We went to Parkdean Resorts in Whitley Bay a few weeks back. It was only a cheap family holiday (and it rained the whole time!) but since being home, the whole family keep saying how we wished we were still there. Holiday blues suck. 

So, what can you do to ensure that the rest of August is as full and as rich as your family holiday? Here are some ideas to get your kids back in the holiday spirit.

We loved it so much, we stayed for an extra day!

Immerse Your Kids Into Something New

Variety is the spice of life, and when it comes to your little darlings, getting them trying new things day in, day out means they won’t have any chance of getting bored. Explore local family days out in your area and head off to have a go at a range of activities over the holidays. One day you might be bouncing around a trampoline park, the next you might be taking your car into the dreaded monkey enclosure at a safari park or having a mooch around a local history museum. Your kids will relish the new experiences, and you’ll enjoy getting out and about as well.

It can be tough as a parent to keep a happy face, especially when you feel confined to your own home. The kids get bored, they start to get grumpy and you just end up shouting. It’s not fun for anyone, so try and get out somewhere each day. Even if it is just to the local park for a picnic and a game of football.

Don’t Allow TV And Video Games To Be First Choice

It can be soul destroying to see your little ones, still in their pyjamas, sat in front of the TV playing some caricatured beat ‘em up on the Xbox when it’s twenty-four degrees outside and the sun is shining. Don’t be tempted to ban the gogglebox or the console. It’s up to you to make the sedentary indoor option seem unappealing by hyping up the options for activities outdoors.

If you know your neighbours well and they also have kids that zone out in front of the TV get together and set up something fun like a water fight. Even better, set up a parents versus kids water fight. There is no way that your offspring will refuse such a momentous challenge. Any activity outdoors that will allow you to spend time with your kids, while having fun and getting them active has to be a positive thing.

Get Your Kids Involved In The Planning

The joy of the Internet means that every iota of information is now at your fingertips. You can find out all the free child-friendly activities that are taking place tomorrow within twenty miles of your location within seconds. Encourage your kids to take a look with you at the range of activities that are available. By getting them involved in the planning rather than simply telling them what they will be doing gets your kids more excited and allows them to voice their ideas about what they would like to do and where they would like to go.

Pinterest has become my best friend. I can search age range, and what sort of thing we want to do. Suddenly, on my phone, I have hundreds of ideas for us to work through. Welcome to the 21st century, where there really is no excuse to ever be bored.

The summer holidays have always been a tricky time of year. Each time the end of July swings around, you have designed a well thought out timetable to prevent your kids from getting bored, yet for some reason every year, the schedule isn’t followed, and your cherubs wile away their days in front of the TV. By following these tips, you can make this summer different and see your kids having the most life enhancing summer of their lives.