They’re even worse than teenagers. It’s a fact.
You think that the terrible two’s were bad. Then arrives the Threenager. All 3 feet 2 inches of her. And it isn’t pretty.
10 reasons why a Threenager is worse than a Teenager.
1- They wake up too early: Teenagers sleep 24/7. Small humans are constantly awake. All the time. Goodbye day time naps. Now I really won’t get anything done. And even when they do nap, they make sure its at stupid times… so a late night is guaranteed.
2) They smell: Teenagers smell like BO. Threenagers smell like Salt & Vinegar crisps and Dairylea. I know what’s worse.
3) They watch crap TV: Teenagers like half decent crap such as Big Brother and C4 programmes about freaks (We just secretly LOVE them!) BUT Tree Fu Tom is just crap. Utter crap.
4) They don’t pick up their shit: Ok, teenagers don’t either, but standing on a teenagers crusty shirt is far less painful than that teeny tiny Lego brick. And possibly contains more micro-organisms.
5) Threenagers are embarrassing in public: Teenagers just wouldn’t been seen dead with me in public. Unfortunately your Threenager HAS to be seen with you in public and can’t be left at home. That would be illegal. Why do they choose to lie down for a little cry in the post office? Why am I forced to drag her out by her hood?
6) Threenagers are naked too much: Much like a teenager they just don’t know when to cover up. But I am yet to see a teenager play the Wii naked. I don’t think…
7) They want to watch Frozen constantly: Teenagers just don’t care about that sort of thing. If that smug little so & so from Twilight ain’t getting his kit off its not worth watching. Prince Hans just hasnt quite ‘got it’.
8) School uniform issues: Teenager HATE wearing a school uniform. Is it because it makes them look childish? Because they hate conformity? Threenagers receive that pristine uniform weeks before term starts, and refuse to take it off. Why did I bother buying it so soon? Is she really going to demand wearing it to bed again… for the 4th night running?
9) English language skills are second to none: You ask a threenager to count to 20 or recite the alphabet (just to show off to other mums), instead she sits there in utter deathly silence, staring at you as if you have just asked her to explain quantum physics. But the second she spills her drink she drops the F Bomb with complete clarity, In front of your nan. Teenagers on the other hand find it exhausting to grunt one syllable.
10) Personal Hygiene: Teenagers just don’t have it. But our threenager demands a bath every night. And hell hath no fury if she splashes a 10th of a millilitre of squash into her hair.
Bring on the FabulousFucking Fours….
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